Feelings are hard, relationships are harder, WTF is wrong with me..?
Ever heard of CPTSD? It stands for Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and it's a bit different from regular PTSD. Think of PTSD as sometimes coming from one big event, while CPTSD tends to come from ongoing, repeated trauma, like tough childhood situations, domestic violence, or abuse (emotional or physical).
So, what's CPTSD all about? It involves more than just typical PTSD symptoms. People with CPTSD often have a hard time managing their feelings, building healthy relationships, and feeling good about themselves.
Here's what you might see in your day-to-day:
Emotions can be all over the place – really strong one minute and numb the next.
It can be hard to understand or name what you're feeling, and things like anger, sadness, or fear can feel overwhelming.
Relationships can be tough too.
Trusting others can be difficult, there might be a fear of being left alone, and unhealthy relationship patterns can show up.
How you see yourself might take a hit, with constant feelings of shame or guilt, thinking you're just not good enough, and struggling to be kind to yourself.
Feeling disconnected from yourself or reality is also possible, along with memory issues, flashbacks, or feeling like you're watching your life from the outside.
Physical stuff can happen too, like ongoing pain, feeling tired all the time, tummy troubles, or problems sleeping.
And you might find yourself always on guard, checking for danger, getting startled easily, and struggling to relax.
If you experience emotional swings, difficulty with relationships, negative self-perception, dissociation, or physical symptoms, you may be suffering from CPTSD. These symptoms are often caused by repetitive trauma, which can sometimes go unrecognized. Like hearing “you could have done better” or “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”.
Thanks for the shame I feel for having emotions and questioning my worth because it didn’t measure up for you… These are the things that go unrecognized in the moment but creep up on us as we become adults.
You aren’t alone... And nothing is “wrong” with you… You’re just learning to accept, trust, and love yourself despite your experiences!
-Jane